05-23-08

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So, I got divorced today.  (I’m still considering it Friday since it’s only four minutes past midnight.)  It’s weird, I don’t really know what to say about it…  I didn’t think it was a big deal at all and I was looking forward to getting it over with.  (I know that sounds terrible, if you don’t know me, but I’ve known it was coming for awhile and it needed to happen.)  I didn’t feel nervous or anything, until it was over. 

Cat called me Thursday night and offered to go with me.  At first I said she didn’t have to and she texted me and said she didn’t want to butt in, but if I needed a friend, she would go.  With me, you almost have to butt in.  I’m not sure why, I guess I’m just used to doing things on my own now and I don’t like to inconvenience other people.  After she texted me, I told her I would like her to go with me. 

I didn’t know where to go or what I was doing this morning, but once we got in the courtroom, I was fine.  My lawyer told me I would have to wait until they went through the whole docket, to prove that Ed wasn’t going to be there.  We knew there was no way he could be there, since he’s in prison, but we still had to do it that way.  Pastor Bobby ended up showing up at the courtroom, also, and it was nice to have him and Cat there with me, even though I felt bad that they had to take time out of their days.  I was glad I wasn’t by myself.

I wasn’t nervous while I waited, and I actually found it interesting to watch the other cases.  I’ve never been in a courtroom before, and I would have been fine sitting there all day just watching how things are done.  It was way more chaotic than I expected. 

I didn’t have to wait as long as I thought I would for it to get back around to my case.  My lawyer asked if we could approach the bench since it was a “sensitive situation” and we stood there and just talked to the judge the whole time.  The judge said he knew about Ed’s case and just asked me a couple questions.  No one else could hear what was said.  It was very quick and the judge seemed to be grilling my lawyer, to make sure everything (which isn’t much) was awarded to me.  Then it was done.  It was weird.  I didn’t feel like I had just gotten a divorce at all.  It seemed too easy.

Cat and I went to eat and then I went to work.  It wasn’t until I was at work that I started to notice how tense and nervous I was.  I never felt it until after it was all done, but my nerves have been a mess ever since.  I haven’t cried or anything, but I just can’t concentrate and my stomach is all yucky and I’m all nervous and distracted.  I didn’t accomplish anything at work today.  It seems weird to me that I’m feeling like this.  I don’t regret the divorce at all and I’ve know about it for months now and it hasn’t bothered me.  I don’t know why now.  Hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow.   

Tonight’s post is probably all choppy and probably doesn’t make any sense, but I’m too tired to care so I’m going to post it as is.  I’ll try to make my next post way cheerier.  I promise I’m not always this depressing.

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