Today I was in the WalMart parking lot, eating a sandwich and reading a book. (It’s not as sad as it sounds. I actually enjoy just finding somewhere quiet to go and read during my lunch break and WalMart is close to my work. I love when it gets cool outside, because then I can read in my car everyday. Right now I usually can’t because it’s so hot… Okay then, back to my story.) I happened to see a young couple walk past, and they caught my attention. I wasn’t just out there staring at people, I really was reading, but for some reason I noticed them. They were probably right around my age and completely normal looking. The man was pushing a cart of groceries and the woman was carrying a tiny newborn baby in her arms. Their SUV was parked just a couple spots down from me, and I couldn’t stop watching as he loaded the groceries and she strapped the baby in. They didn’t do anything out of the ordinary and they didn’t even speak to each other, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away.
After they left (this all took less than two minutes, probably) I started thinking about why I was so fascinated by them. I realized I was watching them as if they were something completely foreign to me. As if I had never seen a young family out shopping together. As if this family was some mythical creature that I never believed was real until now.
I was raised in a normal family. Mom, Dad, brother, sister. My parents are still together and of course I know plenty of other normal families. I’m a realist, I know that that couple probably went home and had a huge fight because he forgot diapers or because she was too tired to cook him lunch. That’s life. I guess I was so awed by them because what they had was something I’ve never experienced personally. When Shiloh was a newborn, I would try to carry her and push the cart and load the groceries. It’s not a big deal and I always managed, but there was something about them that made me stop and think that could have been me… I wasn’t (and I’m still not) sad or jealous, it was just a weird moment for me. I can’t really explain it and I know I’m butchering this whole post.
I wonder how many moments like that Shiloh will have, as she grows up? Will she see other kids playing with their dads and stop and stare because it’s so unusual in her world? I’m sure she will at times. I just hope she can do it without bitterness or jealousy. I’m sure it will hurt her sometimes (One Sunday I almost burst into tears, at church, because I saw a dad put his arm around his teenage daughter and realized that Shiloh will never have that. I don’t usually dwell on stuff like that – almost never actually – but things hit me sometimes. Just being honest.), but I hope it won’t hurt her all the time. I pray that she will be able to accept the life that she’s been given and realize how blessed she is.
6 Comments
July 17, 2008 at 12:38 am
She couldn’t have been any more blessed than she is now! She’s growing up around so many people who just adore her!
July 17, 2008 at 11:16 am
I love your attitude. I will pray that Shiloh inherits it. I am sure it will be something she learns as well from watching/listening to you.
July 17, 2008 at 5:51 pm
You have no idea what the FAther has in store for you. I remember doing the SAME thing…watching others and aching for my boys to have the same thing…a hug from a man, someone to teach him to cut the lawn, fixing our own bike tires, anything!
Delight yourself in the Lord and HE WILL give you the desires of your heart. I absolutely believe this for you. I am so often amazed at how He (in his time) brought someone into my life to love my 2 boys as if they were his own.
It.can.happen.
July 17, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Kim: I guess I just don’t know if that’s what I want. I feel bad for Shiloh because of what she might be missing, but I don’t know that I would want to marry again. Who knows what the future holds, though, right?
July 18, 2008 at 9:03 am
I completely understand. My heart really aches at school programs. Seeing dads that took the time out of there busy lives to cheer there children on. I understand your ache. I am just so thankful though that God is the Father to the fatherless. These kids have such a special place in the Fathers heart.
July 18, 2008 at 12:38 pm
The grocery store scene is a big one for me as well. It’s always tugged at my heart to cash out and not be wearing a wedding ring. I actually blogged about that one once.
My parents badly wanted to name me Shiloh!!! She’s gorgeous.