Emotions

Jump to Comments

Don’t worry, this is not another whiny, sad post.  I’m actually trying to write this quickly.  I need to go to bed.  Problem is, the last two nights I’ve had such a desire to write (I wrote two posts last night and only published the shorter one). 

I hate that my inspiration always comes to me so late at night.  It’s probably because it’s quiet and I can think.  But it’s inconvenient.  It also means that I rush, because when all these thoughts come to me, I just have to get them on paper.  That means they come out disjointed and jumbled and not at all like the pretty words that some of my favorite bloggers are able to write.  Anyway, here it is…

The last few days – no, maybe the last few weeks, if I really think back – I keep hearing things about emotions.  Or, in some cases, I’ve been experiencing emotions that I haven’t in a long time (or that I haven’t acknowledged to myself anyway). 

A couple weeks ago a guy at work yelled at me.  I mean yelled.  And he’s not my boss and it made me extremely angry.  It was all I could do to hold back the tears.  I ended up walking away from him, while he was still yelling, because I was not going to let him see me cry. 

The specifics aren’t important.  I hadn’t done anything wrong and it was just his way of making himself feel bigger.  I’ve forgiven him and we’re fine.

But after it happened, I realized that I haven’t felt angry in so long.  I almost never cry anymore, in fact, I don’t think I’ve cried since my last birthday and that was in October.  

Once I was calmed down, the first thought that came to me was, ‘This is why I don’t ever want to remarry.’  That might sound weird, but when someone yells at me, I get angry.  When I get angry, I cry.  I haven’t been angry in so long.  I used to cry all the time when I was married.  Feeling those emotions again, although in a totally different context, made me realize how much I hated feeling that way.  I don’t want to go back to that. 

Then a few days ago, I read something on Nessie’s blog.  What jumped out at me was what she said about emotions.  She said that she doesn’t think there are any negative emotions, it’s all in how we choose to express them.  That got me thinking. 

I don’t know if I would go so far as to say no emotions are negative.  In my mind the ones that might lead to sin would be negative.  But maybe I’m wrong.  Maybe, if we looked at where the more “sinful” emotions start, we would see that they came from a need or desire that isn’t sinful and we dwelled on it in a way that became sinful.  I don’t know… I’m even confusing myself.  (If you’re looking for someone that has all the answers, you better find a different blog.) 

I still won’t say that I absolutely agree that no emotions are negative, simply because I haven’t had the time to really think on it and see how the thought lines up with God’s Word.  But I will say God gave us emotions for a reason.  Maybe it is all in how we express those feelings? 

And yesterday…  Yesterday afternoon I had the blahs (I’m writing this Monday night, so I’m referring to Mother’s Day).  I was feeling lonely, but not just for people or friends, I was feeling alone in life.  Like I wished I had someone to share it with.  I don’t allow myself to feel that very often.  Every now and then I still feel lonely just in general (not that often anymore), but not lonely for anything more than friendship. 

My first instinct was to suppress that feeling.  I didn’t like it and I needed a distraction.  I tried to distract myself by reading other blogs.  That just brought me full circle back to what I was feeling, and then I ended up writing about it a little bit.  At least I acknowledged my emotions at that point. 

Today I started reading The Divine Romance by Dee Bright.  So far, it’s a really good book, and you’ll probably be hearing more about it in the future.  I just finished chapter three and it was on emotions.  The author states that we have to acknowledge that it’s okay to have feelings, because God made us that way.  The question is what to do with them.

She says we have three choices:

1. Do what feels good.  Obviously, from a Christian standpoint, this isn’t a good option.  Really I don’t think it’s a good option for anyone.  Letting your emotions control you may feel good in the moment, but in the long term, it could make you even more miserable.
2. Don’t feel that way.  Suppress it.  This has been my favorite the last few years.  Thankfully, with God’s help, I think I’ve slowly dealt with my hurts, but it’s still my first reaction with any new emotions.  She even says (and Nessie, I think you would agree with this because it’s close to what you were saying about people teaching their children that their emotions are wrong),
   “Unfortunately, in some Christian circles, we may be told that certain feelings are wrong.  Well-intentioned friends may try to minimize or negate our emotions.  I agree with Elisabeth Elliot when she states, ‘Do not debunk feelings as such.  Remember they are given to us as part of our humanity.  Do not try to fortify yourself against emotions.’”
3. Take it to God.  She says that we need to recognize our emotions, and name them if it helps, and lay them before the Lord so He can teach us how to respond to them.

She does say this doesn’t give us a right to wallow in our emotions.  Our emotions are real, and need to be acknowledged and dealt with, but she says,

“Having a sinful feeling come over us is normal and not a sin; luxuriating in it, however, is.”  (Please note that she’s not saying all feelings are sinful, she is specifically talking about lust at this point, but I thought it was helpful in explaining my point.)

To wrap this up (how do I wrap this up?), I’ll just say that I’m still learning.  Like I said before, I don’t have all the answers.  But I feel that God is trying to teach me something about emotions, since it’s something I’ve been running into so often lately (there have been even more instances, but I didn’t have time to name them all).

My pastor preached a sermon a while back and he said that emotions make a great servant, but a terrible guide.  (Or he may have said the heart, as in “follow your heart”, but heart, emotions, close enough.  It’s been too long for me to remember exactly.)  What I got from it was, emotions are good, but we can’t allow them to control us.  If we live by our emotions then there is a problem.  And I’ll add, if we suppress them, that is also a problem.  (Personal experience here.)

I saw this quote in the book and thought I would share it with you.  It’s from St. Francis de Sales.

“We are not masters of our own feeling, but we are by God’s grace master of our consent.”

5 Comments

Filed under heavy stuff

Tags: anger, books, Christianity, church, emotions, God, moods, my issues, prayer, questions, quotes, relationships