Yes, I need a straight jacket and a padded room. I’m busy. Life is so crazy and hectic and stressful at times. And yet I’m thinking of adding more responsibilities, more stress, and more busy to it. What am I thinking?! Am I stupid?
I’m considering going back to school. I’ve toyed with the idea before, but I didn’t know what direction to take. I always said I needed something I could finish in two years or less, because I can’t handle more than that with my current situation.
hahahahahaha
So I found a direction. Buuuuutttttt… it would take six years to get the degree I need. SIX YEARS! I should stop right there and look for something else, but instead I’m still considering it. I know six years isn’t that long, but I’m a single working mom. That makes it a long time. Shiloh would be nine before I got out of school!
I want to become a librarian. Okay, you can stop laughing now. I know it sounds dorky, but I’ve never claimed to be anything but a nerd.
Think about it. I could work in an elementary school. I wouldn’t have to deal with the same kids all day, like the teachers do, and I wouldn’t have to talk to the parents. But I could have a hand in instilling a love of reading in children while they’re still young enough to be open to it. And the hours would be ideal because I could have holidays and summers off with Shiloh.
Ultimately I want to do this for Shiloh, so she doesn’t have to spend her summers in childcare, and so I have the money to support her. But I still feel guilty considering it, because I would be so busy for the next six years. I already feel like I don’t have the time with her that she deserves.
I would still have to work full time, but I’m pretty sure I could do most of the work for my associates degree online. It won’t be easy, but at least I could work after Shiloh went to bed. Then I would have to transfer schools and get my teaching degree. I don’t know how much of that could be done online, but some of it probably can be. At that point, I could actually teach elementary school and the librarian program is completely online (through a nearby university – not some shady infomercial thing) and I could be making decent money while finishing my degree.
It’s alot to think about and I know it would take so much work and determination. But if I break it down into smaller pieces, it seems doable. I don’t want to be sitting here six years from now, wishing I had done something. Better to try and fail even, right? I just don’t want to fail Shiloh. That’s my fear, that I won’t be a good mother because of everything else. I’ll have to be careful about that.
So, nothing set in stone yet, but I’m going to check into online classes, financial aid, and what tests I have to take since I haven’t been in school for ten years. What am I getting myself into?
18 Comments
June 24, 2009 at 1:50 pm
I am not laughing because I wanted to be a librarian for the longest time when I was younger. I love to read and I had this image in my head of our elementary school librarian and how she instilled that love in me and how books allowed me to escape a childhood that wasn’t always good. Books were (and still are at times) my best friends and most comforting companions.
I wondered how much the role of a librarian has changed with technology. However, I still think it would be a terrific vocation!
You know what they say, the things you work the hardest for and take the longest are the most worthwhile in the long run!
Pray on it. And go for it if you think that’s the direction you are being led! I think it’s great!
June 24, 2009 at 2:12 pm
If it’s your passion then go for it. It may be tough at first but it will be worth it especially since you’re doing something you want to do.
June 24, 2009 at 2:29 pm
I think if you have the desire to go to school, then go for it! It isn’t going to hurt you if you go to school for a little bit and then decide it’s just not for you. I would say take it slow so you dont wear yourself out. Hope the Lord can show you what His will is for your life!!
June 24, 2009 at 3:00 pm
I think it’s an excellent idea! And, I don’t know about you or where you are at, but I have managed to live off of less than 1K/month. I only get 350/month for cs. I am going to school full time starting in the fall. It isn’t going to be easy and I’ll have about 15K in student loans (that’s for a 2 year AAS degree) I think but it’ll be worth it. I’ll be able to support my kids. The hardest part would be taking the leap of faith. You live in your parents home though, maybe now would be a good time to evaluate what you could really live off of and what you could nix. If you’d like I can share more of how my finances are actually going to work in an e-mail, but it’s totally possible!
June 24, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Other than your daughter, you only have to take care of you. Your education and your dreams are just that…..yours. Chase that dream, because when you put it off you are just delayng what you really want. And ten years from now when you feel like you can handle it you will still be six years to go, so start now even if it is one class at a time. Right after my wife left, I enrolled in freshman english 1101 (for the eighth time, a school record!!). I finally finished it that semester and with an A, too! And librarians are cool!!
June 24, 2009 at 4:18 pm
I love all these epiphanies you are having! 6 years…probably less…Shiloh will be 9…and you will be there for the next 9 (very important) years! Get all your studying done while she still goes to bed at 7:00!
Imagine trying to take classes while your teen daughter is out a night! SCARY! At least now you know where she is
Anyway, can you tell that I’m totally psyched about this idea?
June 24, 2009 at 8:06 pm
It sounds to me like you are getting yourself into a wonderful adventure! I say go for it, enjoy it and you will be wonderful!
Follow your heart!
June 24, 2009 at 8:09 pm
I’m sure it will be tough for a while, but great in the long run! Go for it!
June 24, 2009 at 8:33 pm
I’m so excited for you! I personally would love to be a librarian (I’m a dork too).
June 24, 2009 at 9:09 pm
I want to be an EA at school-my son’s school would be AWESOME but who knows if that would happen. I have really enjoyed working with the kids the last two years
But I am making my presence known there all the time, I volunteer for everything including TCAP testing.
You can be an EA at a school without a degree you just have to take a test. well atleast here in Rutherford county. I was a slacker and never finished mine.
June 24, 2009 at 10:31 pm
Hi- I was clicking around other peoples blogrolls. Anyway, here is a thought for you. 6 years will pass whether you go to school or not. It may seem like a long time (and is, imo) but it will come and go regardless of what you do. So, may as well do something!
June 24, 2009 at 11:51 pm
One of the things that is so blessed and simultaneously so hard during this season in life as single mothers is that you get to CHOOSE what direction you want your life to go in (well, sort of). In other words, no other adult holds that much sway over you.
So, yes, it may take you years. But if you are going to pursue your dream or something that you love? It is worth pouring yourself into. And Shiloh will see THAT part of YOU later in life, and it will inspire her. Trust me. (My mom is in her 60’s and working towards her Ph.D. now.)
May you receive the Guidance and Peace that you need to decide. It’s an exciting time for you, Jenn, and a way to more healing.
June 24, 2009 at 11:51 pm
I don’t think you’re crazy. I think you’re brave and smart. Not many people would still consider something like that when they have so many responsibilities – and I don’t think that’s necessarily a sign of maturity or immaturity – I think wanting to spend most of your hours alive doing something that brings you satisfaction and joy is more than reasonable – and to be a librarian is noble. Also, since it will work so well with yours and Shiloh’s lifestyle, it shows that you’re planning ahead with your daughter in mind, and no mother can be faulted for wanting to provide more time and connection with their child. I think if you can find a way to do it, you should go for it!
June 25, 2009 at 8:18 am
Yay! I actually just registered for two classes at the local community college. I decided it’s time to quit talking about “when I go back to school” and actually GO back to school!! And I want to go back to law school. (Eventually – I’m 60 credit hours away from my bachelors)
I just decided if I wait for life to “calm down” I’ll never do it. So one more thing to throw into my crazy life. Late night study sessions here we come!! I’m so excited I will now have a partner in crime!!
June 25, 2009 at 9:16 pm
Tag! You’re it! There’s a meme waiting for you on my blog
June 25, 2009 at 10:10 pm
Everyone here is right. Go for it. Like pisceshanna said, while you know where Shiloh is at night. Pray for guidance and do your research. You’ll do great!!
June 26, 2009 at 9:52 pm
I say go for it!!! I have a friend that did this. There is some serious money out there!
Let us know your decsion.
BTW– I totally get the whole “not dealing with the parents”. lol
June 28, 2009 at 1:23 am
Psst! Tag, you’re it!
http://amomthatsanon.blogspot.com/2009/06/meme-time.html