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Shiloh has been calling me old lately.  As in, “Mom, you need to go take a nap, because you’re OLD.” 

It may be my fault though.  When my mom is in town, I’ll say stuff to Shiloh like, “Nana needs her glasses because she’s old.”  I say it just to tease my mom, but I think it’s backfired on me.

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I think I figured out why I never sleep.  I don’t have a problem sleeping, I have a problem going to bed.  I’ve always just assumed it’s because I’m a night owl.  And I am, but when I was married, I would still go to bed at 10 or 11pm on work nights, because I knew I had to get up.  Now I have a hard time going to bed before 1 or 2am, even when I’m exhausted.

Last night I told myself I had to go to bed.  And I didn’t again.  But I think I know why.  I don’t like the feeling of an empty house (excluding Shiloh of course) at night.  I’m fine when the tv is on, or I’m reading a book, or blogging.  But I get uneasy when it’s just silence. 

I’m not afraid, exactly.  I just don’t like the aloneness.  I guess I need to get used to it.  You would think I would be after three years, but I guess not.

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I took Shiloh to the library for the first time yesterday.  Now don’t give me that look.  I’m not a horrible mother (I don’t think.)  She has tons of books at home and we read together everyday.  I’ve just never actually taken her to the public library.  She enjoyed picking out some books, so we’ll have to go more often. 

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I got lost yesterday.  In the small town that I’ve lived in for fourteen years.  Yes, it’s sad, but I really did get lost.  I thought if I kept driving, I would see something I knew.  I didn’t.  I ended up in another town (I was in the same county at least) and I had to call my sister to tell me how to get home from there. 

I was laughing so hard on the phone that I could hardly tell her where I was.  I know it’s ridiculous to get lost in a tiny town, but somehow I managed to do it.  I swear I’m not as dumb as I sound!  I just have no sense of direction.  I never have.  Most people could logically figure out at least a direction to head in.  Not me.  It’s sad really. 

If anyone wants to donate to my GPS fund….

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Shiloh has been asking me where her brother is lately.  And she gets upset when I tell her she doesn’t have one.  It’s kind of funny.  Where does she come up with this stuff?

Sometimes I wonder what the daycare must think.  First her name was Emily.  Then she had invisible mini sheep (they still show up now and then).  Now she has a brother.  What next?

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I think I twittered about it earlier in the week, but I’ll repeat myself anyway.  Things have been bad in the car industry lately.  Very sloooooow.  Probably worse at the dealership I’m at because we’re in a small town and we sell GM and Ford.

On Monday my office manager (and friend – we’re the same age and have worked together five years) had to lay off the receptionist.  It wasn’t her choice, but she had to be the one to do it.  It was sad because Tammy has worked here for fifteen years.  Unfortunately she was the best option, because we (the three of us in the office) can do our work and pick up the phones.

The owner also wanted to cut everyone’s pay and Amy told him that it was insulting to cut our pay when we’ve worked here for five years (not to mention, we don’t make that much).  She suggested that he cut our hours instead and he agreed to try it.

It’s not the ideal situation.  Money is already tight, and now it will be tighter.  But I have a job.  And I’m so thankful that we get a day off every week instead of working the same hours for less pay.  That would be insulting.

From what I’ve heard, there will be other changes happening around here.  I don’t know if more people will be laid off, or more pay cuts, or what.  One more reason to go to school and actually have some hope for the future.

I just got my last full paycheck.  Too many bills to go shopping, but I think we’ll splurge on pizza for dinner.  I’ll have to be more careful with money from now on.     

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Filed under conversations with Shiloh, randomness

Tags: childhood, conversations, daycare, growing up, humor, kids, life, memories, random stuff, Shiloh, single mother, sleepless nights