I should really be in bed right now… But I’m not, so I might as well blog about it.
I’ve been extremely busy lately. (Surprise, surprise.) Just the usual: working, being a mom, college, church, family stuff, household chores (sometimes), etc. I’m worn out. Right now I’m to the point that I just don’t feel like I can handle anything else. I’m exhausted physically, emotionally, and mentally. But things are all going really well. I just feel scattered.
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Work has been a nightmare. I’m so blessed to have a job right now, but it has become the biggest part of my stress. I work at a car dealership and it can be pretty cut-throat. I’ve been there five years so it’s nothing new. The thing is, it has been better the last couple years. We (meaning the girls in the office) have had it pretty good (except money-wise of course). They (being salesmen and managers) have let us do our job and have mostly left us alone. Well we have a new group now. Another new GM and all his little minions… I mean men.
The GM is good. Arrogant and moody, but that’s normal. Sales have picked up so he’s been good for business. The problem is, he stays on top of all the details and he wants everything to be perfect. Not a problem for our office. We take pride in our work and get the job done even when no one cares. But the fact that he is putting the heat on everyone makes everyone in finance and sales freak out. And point fingers. And blame everything on our office.
One of the finance managers told my manager that I left at noon last Thursday, which was a complete lie. I was there until five (and she believed me). It’s like if they can make us look bad, they’ll be okay. I’ve always gotten my job done, but now I feel like nothing is good enough. No matter how hard I work, I’m going to get blamed for something, even if it has nothing to do with me. I’m so sick of this place. I’m so tired of all the two-faced people. There is no reason for it. It’s much easier if we all work together, but that isn’t going to happen with this group.
I have to hold onto this job for a couple more years. It’s just hard because I’m constantly on the defensive now, and I have to be ready for anything, but I don’t want to walk around with a bad attitude either. I’m trying to figure out how to protect myself from their lies and still keep my integrity. Because I won’t point fingers, or stoop down to their level. But I’ve taken work home with me almost every night this week (without pay) just to keep ahead of them. I can’t keep doing this. It’s insane!
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On a good note, I made it through midterms! And so far I have an A in all four of my classes. I still have half a semester to go, but there is only one paper in Geography that I’m worrying about, and that’s because I have to rely on someone else in order to get it done (and don’t get me started on it – I’m really stressing about it). If things go okay with that, everything else is manageable as long as I work hard and as long as my head doesn’t explode from all the stress.
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Shiloh sang in a recital for her preschool last weekend. She did so good! I wasn’t sure how she would do in front of so many people, but it didn’t bother her at all. She sang all the songs and did the hand motions. And she played the air guitar when there wasn’t any motions. (My little rock star.) I felt sorry for one of her classmates. She stood there and silently cried the whole time they were on stage. Poor thing. All in all the whole class did really well. They are just three and four year olds.
(Not the best picture, but better than nothing.)
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Shiloh is dancing with her dance class for a town chili cookoff this weekend. It’s really informal, but she’s so excited. Okay… I’m excited too. This will be the first time I get to see her dance. I know they haven’t learned too much yet, but she’s learned a few things. (Oh, and the little girl that cried during the preschool recital is also in her dance class. I feel bad for her already.)
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Shiloh just randomly told me yesterday that she’s going to ask God for a daddy. I think I kind of stumbled over my response. Something like, “That’s nice… uh, well… a daddy? yeah, you can do that… but if it doesn’t happen you can still talk to God about it… you can tell him you’re sad that you don’t have a daddy… but that doesn’t mean for sure you’ll get one… but you have a mommy…” I totally wasn’t prepared for that one.
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So there’s this guy that someone has been trying to set me up with for like a year. And I kept avoiding being set up. Finally this summer we did start texting a little bit. But it was weird. It’s probably just me, but it was weird…. Anyway, I think I may have scared him off. Not on purpose, but I think one of my texts scared him away. The thing is, I’m almost relieved. Is that bad? I just couldn’t make myself be interested in him. Everytime he texted me it annoyed me. It’s not his fault, I haven’t even met him. Maybe something is wrong with me? Either way, he isn’t texting me anymore and I’m kind of glad. That’s all I’m going to say about that. (People read my blog, you know.)
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Shiloh is almost able to write her name! She’s just barely three, so I think she’s really smart. (I have no idea what age other kids write their names, but I’m just sayin’…) If I write her name in pencil, she can trace over it with a crayon perfectly. I think she could probably write it on her own now too, but I’ll let her get confident with this first.
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Well guys, even though tomorrow (technically today now since it’s 1am) is Friday, I still have a whole day of work to go through. So I better get a few hours of sleep. It’s weird, I’m exhausted, but I don’t want to sleep lately. Worse than usual. No matter how tired I am, I really don’t want to go to bed. No conscious reason for it. Maybe I just feel like I have too much to do? I know I need to take better care of myself, but maybe I’ll work on that next week.
7 Comments
October 23, 2009 at 7:36 am
I love how you put off taking better care of yourself…I don’t know any other mom who does that! Nooo, they are nonexistant! I’m terrible about that.
Those are amazing grades! YAY for you! I am taking a Sociology class online starting here shortly. I’ll sign up next week and then I’ll have a year to complete it. That should work. I’m hoping to do it during the summer.
Shiloh is so cute with her performance and the whole daddy thing…well, I understand that one. My dd is still hard at work with names included.
You never met him! Girl! You can’t tell who a person is from texts alone. But, I understand since I would probably be the same way.
October 23, 2009 at 8:21 am
Thanks for the update. You’ve been missed! You are busy. I think Shiloh is doing really well writing her name – the big thing I remember from helping out in the classrooms is how they grasp the pencil/crayon and she has the correct grasp!
What a rock star! I remember having to sit on stage with my oldest during his skits/songs and then he would just sit there and stare.
Good luck at work. That’s so hard when you are working your hardest and it goes unappreciated or unrecognized. Hang in there.
October 23, 2009 at 9:29 am
So glad to have the updates! You have been busy and work sounds insane. I will be praying that things get better for you on that front, that sounds like entirely too much stress!
Shiloh is adorable as always…good for her on the choir ‘concert’ and how fun to be able to see her dance for the first time.
Way to go with all the A’s…keep up the great work. Don’t forget to rest and spend time with our King!
God bless you Jenn!
October 23, 2009 at 11:56 am
It’s good to hear from you! Please don’t let the insecure morons at work get to you. I know, easier said than done, but they’re more than likely completely intimidated by your ability to do so much and handle it all so well.
October 26, 2009 at 9:11 pm
I’m glad you’re doing well overall…but I hope things get better at work!
October 27, 2009 at 9:09 am
I’m glad you posted some updates Jenn. I know it’s a lot going on at once right now, but eventually it’s going to calm down, become the more.
Sleep more however! Your body needs it!
October 27, 2009 at 11:05 am
So glad to get the update on your life! I’ve always thought Shiloh was wicked smart, since our daughters are almost the same age and she’s way ahead of LB. I think my child can write “L”.
Sounds like you are tackling a lot of exciting things, and NO you should NOT be taking work home just cause your co-workers are trying to backstab you! Grrrr.
About that poor crying kid…maybe her parents should re-evaluate their choice in enrolling her in performing arts? lol jus sayin’…